Andrew, through his actions, has asked that we talk about donuts today (and in deference to the eponymous Donut Man himself, I’ll be going with the American spelling for this). So here’s what they are: they are fried bread with sugar. Wikipedia, in perhaps its most Wikipedia-esque phrase ever in time, says:
Are you hungry yet??
I got a text message a few days ago with no text, just this:
It looks like he’s gone for - a maple-flavoured toroidal ring? Maybe butterscotch. Do they have those flavours in the States? If not I’m honestly not sure what that colour is supposed to be, but since we’re in the United States of America, baby, it’s probably supposed to taste like Doritos® Cool Chill LaffyTaffy Xtreme Blast Featuring Marvel’s Amazing Spider-Man 3D In Theaters Everywhere.
The person he bought it from, The Mister or Misters Donut Man, doesn’t seem to be that awesome at building donuts for people to eat. Here are some of the reviews I found:
- “oil tastes fresh and othere is only a small amount of chalky residue on your teeth”
- “I have bought donuts and muffins here many times throught the years but I will never return because of their unkindness to a child today.”
- “Those donuts are incredible I’ve never seen such a big donuts like those and it’s delicious specially the ones that has cinnamon. Generic Viagra Buy Viagra.”
So good on Hussie! He supported a business that only does one thing and doesn’t do it super well all the time, giving them that “just one more chance” which we all crave (like when holding onto a failed or failing relationship I mean). And the nice thing is the wrapping it came in probably ended up in the Trashpan he bought last week OH SNAP CONTINUITY! That’s right, whatever happens on this tumblr happens in real life, and yes IF HE DIES ON THIS TUMBLR HE DIES IN REAL LIFE!!
ANYWAY IN CONCLUSION it’s probably too late for Andrew but if you look closely at that photograph you can see waxy residue on the right-hand side of that toroid (hopefully: toppings from another flattened sphere injected with fruit preserves??) which is kinda gross but it’s in his belly now, its food energy being converted into thoughts about imaginary trolls and children for your entertainment, and in the end isn’t that what really matters?????